Let’s face it, most adults can tell the difference between a rape fantasy scene in a porn movie, or even ‘harsh’ consensual BDSM play…and real life assault. ‘Hardcore’ triple XXX action and real life kink scenes get a bad rap all the time from those folks who either don’t have a penchant for such rough sex (one man’s ‘rough’ is another man’s…and all that) or those who don’t understand that in a controlled porn scene or play in a dungeon, couples are consenting and limits are well-tested and considered. Porn star James Deen’s recent troubles, and the accusations made against him, having nothing whatsoever to do with BDSM or rape fantasy, they are about sexual assault pure and simple.
Adult actress Stoya, ex-girlfriend of Deen, tweeted twice over Thanksgiving weekend that while in their relationship Deen sexually assaulted her. She claims: James Deen held me down and fucked me while I said no, stop, used my safeword. I just can’t nod and smile when people bring him up anymore. As usually happens in these cases, two more women have come out claiming assault by Deen, one even during a porn shoot.
Engaging in kinks that involve pain, shooting porn scenes, working through intimacy with a partner, nobody, from adult actress to deli worker should ever be assaulted, on set, in their bedroom, out on the street. Deen does not get a pass because he might like rough sex, nor should he be vilified for it: Deen should be called out and eventually prosecuted if it is proved that he indeed committed assault against Stoya or anyone else…on or off a porn set.
Adult performers, as much as anyone else, should be safe from attack. And BDSM and fantasy sex scenes of gonzo rough action should not be confused with real life assault, nor should we ever equate rape fantasy play or BDSM gaming with violence against women.